My Anxiety Makes Me Look Like An Asshole


THIS ARTICLE... just hit me so hard, cuz she put into words what I go through on a daily basis perfectly…our symptoms manifest a little differently, but she captured the essence of anxiety extremely well

I’ve quoted a few snippets here, but read the whole thing if you want to understand my struggle.

“I’m terrified of talking on the phone and starting conversations with strangers. I’m even scared of texting certain friends and coming on too strong, of graduating from a concerned friend to an annoying nuisance. So I delete messages. I wait too long to answer back. I don’t let on that I care. But I care more than anyone realizes. I care so much it hurts.”

“…they don’t realize I have anxiety, because I’m not shaking at the table and hyperventilating into a paper bag. My meltdowns happen before I see them. The night before, on my drive there, in the car — I’m freaking out the entire time. Imagining all of the things that could go wrong. Picturing how embarrassed I’ll be.

But when I’m finally in public, I internalize everything. I try to minimize my physical symptoms to avoid drawing attention to myself — but just because I calmed my shaking doesn’t mean I’ve calmed my mind.”


Also… not totally unrelated (If you know the show, you’ll get it)  — I think Alice on “The Magicians” is my spirit animal…. and, like, wow, we could pass for sisters….a little eerie actually.




  1. Wow….that is ummm me. I’m 52 queer trans chick, started transitioning 1 yr. ago. I love your site and your articles….thank you for sharing your life, it really does help other human beings….thank YOU.


  2. I adore the magicians.And she and you are stunningly beautiful.Not just in looks but in your heart as well.You have a good heart and a good soul,don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.We’ve chiat-chatted a few times you and I.But recently I emailed you and told you a lil bit about me too.I cannot imagine what you go through each and everyday,but know this,you are not alone.I am probably in the same boat,just in the back somewhere,being quiet,lol.You emailed me awhile ago and I responded in kind ,sorry it took me soo long.I don’t trust the world easily.I would love to strike up a conversation with you if you don’t mind.I will continue to read your stories and your website is very nice I like it alot,you are an amazing Woman.I hope we can be friends.

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