And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too…

ugh

No new erotic chapters, just a new chapter in the saga of your favorite lunatic:

So, new doctor, new diagnoses. Still seeking other opinions, but it’s looking like I’m Bipolar….apparently, which makes sense. I knew there was something wrong with me, beyond just trauma and the like. And my life has just been chaos mostly, it’s just a coincidence that the symptoms appeared not long after I went through a horrific period in my life.

  • My mania produces optimism, and actual progress on creative endeavors.
  • My tailspins just destroy me, and my life falls apart.

It’s been rough sledding this past year. I experimented with going off hormones for a while to see if it would tame my emotions…. it didn’t… made them worse, and then starting them back up again just pushed me over the edge. I finally broke completely, and attempted to take my own life on my 26th birthday. Which landed me in the hospital, and a mental care facility for a few months, which just adds to my anxiety as all my co-workers, and  classmates, now know I’m batshit crazy. (I did get this really sexy scar out of the whole deal, though… so that’s somethin’)

The good news is; I’m on medication for it now.

The downside to the meds is that, so far, they just turn me into a zombie.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t seem to write in this medicated state. I can’t write when depressed. I can’t reach mania without stopping the meds, and the fear of sinking into another crushing depression if I attempt to do so just has me paralyzed.

Sorry your favorite erotic writer is such a loon. I don’t know when new chapters will appear.  Just thought you deserved to know.

 

(Also, Pink Floyd… why did it take me this long to discover these guys?? Mind blown.)

Andi

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