Anal Sex is so simple – just bend over and let it happen right? Well, it’s not that simple. There are a LOT of factors at play here. The following is everything you ever wanted to know about anal sex,
and a few things that maybe you didn’t want to know. I pull no punches here. Some of you might want to have your lovers read this, as well. It may help them understand just what it’s like for us
on the receiving end.
If you are afraid of anal sex, don’t be. It’s an amazing sexual experience, but most beginners make a number of mistakes that either ruin the experience – turning them off of it for life, or making them believe that it may not be right for them. If it’s not for you, then no problem. Find your joy in other ways. For those either curious as to how to begin or who thought maybe it just wasn’t for you, but are still willing to give it another shot. Stick around, you might discover the gateway to Nirvana.
Common beginner mistakes
- Impatience: going too big, too early
- Trying to stick any object that is too thick in there without proper prep
- Not enough lube, or the wrong kind of lube.
- Using a toy made from the wrong material, or has the wrong shape.
- Not taking it slow.
- Not exercising proper hygiene
HOW TO BEGIN
If you are like I was in the beginning and are starting out with a very tight, very sensitive sphincter, then you’ll want to start with something small. They make starter kits with 2 and sometimes 3 different sized butt plugs or anal stimulators. FYI the knobby anal bead-esque kind may not the best option to start with simply because you can’t slide them in and out very easily. They cause the opening to open and close very rapidly. They do this on purpose and should not be used by beginners. The sensation of ripping one out of your butt is similar to anal beads which cause a violent and explosive sensation for those who are into that.
Let me preface this by saying you probably shouldn’t be horny and looking to orgasm when first exploring your behind cuz the process I’m outlining takes time. Also, failure to properly open yourself up will result in a sore bum and you’ll be unable to continue having anal sex for several days. This is where most people quit.
When done properly, you can have anal sex nearly everyday, and it is very enjoyable. And in my stories I gloss over a lot of the gory details like this cuz it kinda kills the story, so I thought it necessary to give you a realistic account of how I eased myself into enjoyable and sustainable butt sex. Cuz it really hurt the first few times. But the sphincter adapts slowly, so after a few minutes it feels amazing. But if you are not stretched out properly, it really fucking hurts like hell for what feels like an eternity, but in reality is only a few minutes.
So, after being unable to walk normal for a few days following some of my early sexual flings, I decided if I was gonna keep getting things shoved in there, I’d better do something about how tight I was. I told my boyfriend at the time how much it hurt, and because I was too young to do it myself, I had him buy me a “starter kit” from Doc Johnson which they still make. Jelly anal plugs, 3 of them. One very tiny less than an inch in diameter, all the way up to the larger one – maybe an inch and a half wide. Like an idiot, I decided I was shemale enough to cram the largest one in… I could not get it inside me without major pain, so I settled for fitting the smallest one in, and leaving it there for a while, like an hour until I could easily remove it and re-insert it – the process of which really turned me on, so I masturbated with it and got that out of the way so I could get back to work. After much lubrication and gradually probing myself I was able to fit the medium one in my bum. I liked the way it felt. It filled me up a bit more, and felt warm and sexual. I believe I diddled myself again. And then things got a little weird…
For most, after cumming with something in your butt, you’ll feel the need to expel the toy. (You’ll feel like ya gotta poop. You don’t. Your rectum is just convinced that you do. ***) It’s good to go ahead and push the toy out. Then clean it off, re-lube it and reinsert it. Pull your panties up and leave it in for a while. As long as you’re not wearing a tight skirt or tight pants no one will know. Except that it will change the way you walk. With extreme focus you can walk normally, but for the most part, you’ll walk like you’ve got something up your butt, lol. ( I don’t recommend leaving the house this way)
It took about 2 weeks of steady stretching this way before I could finally get the larger one in with little effort and pain. And over the following 2 weeks, it went in almost as easily as the little one had that first day. Today I can lube it up and plop it into my hiney and barely feel it. (The one I have now is not the original one. They go bad eventually and need to be tossed out. But one just like it.) I occasionally do this if I’m not feeling well enough for actual sex, but am still horny. Cuz I really need something in there to get off. I plop it in and get my lover off in other ways. And then he returns the favor. (He’s so awesome.) [Yes there will be days when you just can’t have anal sex. You have to be honest enough with your lover when that happens and strong enough to say, “No. But I’ll do whatever else I can to get you off.” It’s the safe and responsible thing to do.]
Now before you start reaching for the credit card to order a starter set, let’s talk about lubrication. Lubrication is an absolute must unless your bunghole is made of iron. The biggest factor between a pleasant anal experience and an UNpleasant one is lube. I recommend using silicon oil (WET) and water based gel lubes (KY or equivalent). GET BOTH. When you step up to 2 inch thick dongs and bigger you’ll need both. Trust me.
With lube, the common mistake is to think that lube is an either/or proposition. It’s not. You will want to lube your ass very well, AND lube whatever is entering your beloved love hole. This is definitely a case where less is NOT more. More is more, and more you will want. A well lubed anal experience is far less painful. I usually start with the oily silicon lube. I use WET Platinum, and I work some into my love hole gently with my finger, be sure to get all around the outside and as deep inside as your fingers will allow. Don’t be in a hurry. Be kind to yourself. Second, I gently squeeze a line of the silicon lube along the length of the toy. (My current floppy lover is a big blue 1.5″ thick 7″ long PVC dong. It smells like burning rubber, it’s harder and stiffer than the real thing, but is just the right size) Then I work the lube all over the shaft. I take advantage of the extra lube that coats my hand afterward and rub the excess all over my own pretty little wang. (Tip: it works better than hand lotion for those who like to stroke it.) I’ll then slowly slide the dildo into me until I feel that painful stretch, and if the pain is minimal, I’ll either push it past that point and all the way in, or if it burns or I feel a pinch, I’ll back it out just a bit and allow my body to adjust before proceeding. I’ll back it up just enough for the pain to stop, but so that there’s still pressure against the tendons in the area. It’s very much like stretching a hamstring, and then I’ll try to push it past the threshold again, usually it goes in. BUT If it just hurts too much to continue, I’ll back it all the way out because that means I’m just too tight that day. I’ll then give it a minute and add the water based gel lube at this point. Spreading it on the toy like I did the oil and wiping the excess off on myself (or a towel if you don’t like playing with your ding-a-ling.) This usually provides the necessary lubrication to get it all the way in. Now the thing you need to keep in mind here is friction. A little friction is good for very slow fucking… but is awful for fast hard fucking. So the trick I’ve learned that will essentially turn your hiney into a slip ‘n slide, is to use KY or another water based gel, and coat the cock, or toy with it and get it worked into your hole nice and easy. Then pull it out – take a spritzer bottle and spray the toy with it, or dump a tiny amount of water from a water bottle or glass into your hand and get the lube wet… you’ll immediately feel the difference, as the toy will get super slippery. Re-insert and you’ll instantly notice a major difference… this level of friction is ideal for hard fast fucking, as well as everything else.
I always gasp a little at penetration in both pain and pleasure. That breach is bittersweet*. The pain is mild, similar to a slight muscle pull, and only last a few seconds. It is immediately followed by an intense warm feeling of pleasure. There is nothing like a big, fat dick lodged in your hiney. If it was possible to have one in me at all times and still function in polite society, I would demand it! From there, what you do is up to you. I will ride mine to orgasm. Or sometimes just pull up my panties and add a tight pair of boy shorts and walk around – or sit at the computer and write with a dick in my ass cuz I love the feeling. [now you know why my stories are so hot] Whatever gets you off – go for it, just be safe, and see the end of this post for a few warnings cuz you can’t sit normally with something this big poking that deep into you. You can really hurt yourself if you’re not careful.
The “realistic” dongs are more expensive, but closer to the real thing than the cheap hard ones. Real cocks have more give around the perimeter than the super hard dildos. It’s good to understand the difference. For instance; with a little finesse I can accept a very large, very thick silicone “realistic” dong with little problems, because it will compress nicely. But a hard cheap one would destroy my tight little hole. So experiment with both in different sizes so you know what you’re capable of before you put yourself in a position that could cause damage or embarrassment.
[*If you have a boyfriend, husband, or lover that likes to do the hard thrust in past the threshold just to see that look of pain and hear that gasp. Don’t tell him he’s an asshole, lube up your floppy friend and summarily shove it up his ass and show him what it feels like. Chances are he’ll never do it again.
Guys, if that’s your move, then it’s official, you’re douchebag asshole. I’ve even spoken to my cis woman friends and that hurts even when done to a vagina, so knock it off! It’s not sexual, or sexy. It’s just rude and very painful. Pleasure is the point here guys, and it’s hard to find pleasure in being penetrated when your ass is on fire and you feel like you might be bleeding internally.]
WHY I USE TOYS
So you might be asking yourself, “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? Why is she using dildos?” Ah, and the answer would be because I love my BF and I’ve found that prepping my ass for his member makes our love making that much better. The toy I have is around the same girth as his wang yet smaller in length…so I don’t get spoiled :). And I learned from a famous anal queen porn star when I used to work as a receptionist for her company, that her secret to taking those massive cocks on screen was to stretch out before the shoot. The rest is acting. She would ease a rather large dildo into her ass in her dressing room to open herself up so she was loose and ready for cock. THIS is something every woman should know, whether she’s a CIS, TS, TV, CD, Sissy… hell, even gay boys should know this. STRETCH. It helps! I try to keep myself loose all day if I know I’m going to have sex that night. If it happens spur of the moment, then my boyfriend will help me out by working the dildo in himself and helping me loosen up while I treat him to some oral magic. If you’re going clubbing, and hoping to meet someone I’d loosen up a bit before. Hell, I used to “clean the pipes” before I’d go out so I wasn’t so damn horny and could be wiser in my choices. And if I didn’t find anyone that struck my fancy, I could always come home and get myself off.
I don’t think anyone should ever feel embarrassed that they use toys. Masturbation is natural and healthy. I find no shame in it. Toys are a great way to help you explore your sexuality and your body to find out what works for you, so that you can communicate that to your lover. I know that some younger men see it as a sign of weakness. Luckily, I have an older lover who has been around long enough to know that the “sexual ideal” that most young turks are seeking doesn’t exist. Life is more complicated than that. The sooner everyone realizes this, the sooner we can all start to be happy.
The problem with HUGE COCKS is: they are rare in the wild. Outside of porn movies and NBA locker rooms, you’re not gonna find very many of them. I’ve only been with one guy who had a true monster cock. Like 9″ long and 2″ thick… and 2″ doesn’t seem like a big deal, but trust me, IT IS. The average penis size is 5.3 inches long and the average thickness is a little over an inch. So the majority of dicks you’re gonna go up against are this size. Some smaller, some bigger. BUT here is where you can really sabotage yourself. If you use a massive dildo, like say a 2″ thick 8″ to 10″ long toy on a regular basis then smaller cocks can leave u unsatisfied. And that’s really not fair to the guys you’ll be hooking up with who are already insecure about their size and how they match up against other guys, and so if they’re pounding your ass with that average sized thing, and you’re yawning and doing your nails… then ladies, you’re the asshole here, and it’s all your fault for spoiling yourself. Don’t do that…. it’s so wrong. Maybe get a monster dong to use occasionally just to give yourself the ability to accept it should u encounter one… but it is not the norm, and you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
WARNING GROSSNESS TO FOLLOW – BUT SOME NECESSARY ADVICE
***The other thing you should consider is douching. I know some of you just went; “huh?” the most embarrassing thing that can happen to you is a muddy helmet or worst yet… dropping a turd on the floor when your lover pulls out. I speak from the horror of experience. The dull smacking thud of a poo hitting the floor mid-orgasm will kill the mood quicker than damn near anything else you’ve ever encountered in the sexual arena. SOMETIMES spontaneity is a bad thing. It’s only happened to me a few times, but I was so embarrassed. I felt awful for my partners at the time. They were grossed out. I was too. It’s an occupational hazard if you’re gonna be taking it or giving it in the poop chute. So douche, ladies. Get an enema kit, and clean yourself out. Porn Stars do it to avoid any unpleasant accidents. Be forewarned; do not squeeze so much warm water in that it leaves the rectum and pushes into the lower intestine. (trust me you’ll feel it happen if it does) just allow your butt to fill with water leave it in until it wants to come out, and expel. I can’t in good conscience recommend a home high colonic. I do them, but there are health risks. So talk to a colonic specialist before trying them. The cramps and the runs will follow a colonic, but you’ll be empty and not have to worry about any brown surprises.
A few things to be aware of:
NEVER…NEVER sit on a dildo and slam your full weight down on it. You could do some serious damage. You can bounce from a kneeling position pretty safely, but a full sit flat on a chair or other hard surface could really ruin your day.
If you slide a toy past your threshold and everything in your body is telling you it’s too painful. Don’t try to be tough, back it out. Let your love muscles adapt. This isn’t a test to see how tough you are, it’s supposed to bring you pleasure. When it slides in and you can’t help but sigh a little with how good it feels inside you, then you are ready for sex with an object or cock that size. Be PATIENT!
Girth is for pleasure, length is for thrusting. Find a man with both and nail him down. Or fall in love for all the right reasons, and get a dildo. Don’t let a small penis destroy your chances for love. I’d love my man if he were smaller. I wouldn’t have to stretch so often.
Mucus – that white or sometimes yellow sticky stuff that you may occasionally see is mucus…. snot. Butt snot. If you get it a lot, or all the time, you’re not drinking enough water. But just to be safe, see a doctor to check for Candida overgrowth.
Materials: Glass is actually awesome, but may not be the way to go for a beginner, just know it’s out there and awesome. It glides so smoothly when lubed, and for a lot of girls it goes in easier. I have a Butt Plug that is made of glass. I love it! Caution: these suckers are slippery when lubed. It’ll shoot out of your hand and bounce around the room like that destructo-ball Will Smith accidentally unleashes in the first MIB movie if you’re not careful. Jelly dongs are preferred for me. They need a non petroleum based lube or they begin to deteriorate, at which point they tend to burn when you insert them, which is very irritating. So always check out the recommended lubes for your toy just to be safe. Also maybe use a condom if you’re unsure… it’ll keep your toy clean, and if u use the wrong lube it’ll just damage the condom and not your toy.
Always wash your toys when you’re done. With WARM SOAPY WATER…. Not hot. HOT water will severely reduce the life of your toy.
I would never recommend using anything other than a sex toy or a human phallus in your hiney. Have fun, but don’t get crazy.
I don’t recommend doing Ass-to-Mouth… EVER. But if you feel you still want to, never even think about doing it unless you have cleaned yourself out thoroughly and have used an actual disinfectant douche. E-coli, etc, are not fun. I got a terrible kidney infection doing it and thought I was going to die.
Don’t clench. I made this mistake early on. Just relax, and let whatever you are using to enter you fully. Trust me, you’ll know when you’re all the way in.
For those with prostates, it’s located up front right behind where your penis is (or used to be) it’s basically a G-spot. Rub that for a little while with a toy and KaBoom – a big sticky mess will appear. So if you’re in a hurry… do that. If not.. try to bump it as little as possible.
If you are continually keeping yourself loose, it becomes easier and easier to have sex without a lot of prep immediately prior to the act. When you reach that point – for those occasions where you are out and think you might end up having sex. Carry a little squeeze tube of KY in your purse. Before you leave the club or restaurant, or just before sex use the bathroom and lube yourself up a bit, and then the lubricant from the condom should give you what you need to get going. In my experience from my clubbing days, most guys can’t hang with the girth of my usual dildo. So if that’s been in me earlier, and I’ve been regularly stretching, I would have no problem taking them in with just the condom lube, but the KY helps. The more slippery the whole process is, the smoother the sex and the sensations will be. Orgasms will abound. Friction here is your enemy.
Feel free to comment with any questions. Or email me. I’m here to help. You may also be wondering. Does this crazy lady have any tips on oral as well. She Does!